We all have a story that is heartbreaking. There is not one person who hasn't felt pain. But how do some people get mange to work through it?
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about. Dale Carnegie -
"What's your happiest memory?"
When I was in my mid-twenties, I made a choice for my own happiness. Everything seemed brighter and better than it had ever been before. I was grateful to hear the birds singing in the mornings, the flowers growing, the blueness of the sky, and the simple joy of being alive. I was on an amazing, natural high, full of gratitude.
The truth was, scratching a little deeper, I was scared, terrified, worried I had made a mistake but at the same time, nothing bothered me.
I had ended a relationship.
After surviving years of unhappiness, and physical and emotional stress, I finally found the courage follow my inner light and do what I should have done a long time ago. With two young children in tow, our lives changed forever, but I was determined that my new life would be better.
I was determined to be happy, and to live a happy life. And I have. Eleven years have now passed and while the fears, anxiety and excitement have gently evaporated, the lessons I learned about happiness carried forward.
Since that experience in my life, there have been many ups and downs it hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies but there are a few secrets that got me through. Some of them might surprise you a little:
1. Let Yourself Be Sad
There is no rule that says you have to be happy every minute of your life. Even when you make a decision for your self, many times it comes with residual pain and feelings that need to be dealt with. Be kind to yourself and process the feelings you need to: hate, sadness, anger, frustration - it's all good! You don't have to paste on a fake smile. Just be honest about how you feel.
2. It Does Take Work to Be Happy
Many of us wait for external circumstances and the stars to align before we think we will be happy but smart people know that they are responsible for their own happiness. Eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and getting a proper amount of sleep are important in keeping our bodies healthy. Nurture your spirit by searching out people and entertainment that makes you laugh or feel good. Surround yourself with good people pays off. You feel good to your core.
3. Self-Appreciation Is Mandatory
Although it can be difficult, make the effort to love and appreciate yourself, just the way you are. You are just as worthy, unique and exceptional as anyone and everyone else.
Sometimes it's hard to see our own best qualities. Or if we see from them, we don't always value them. So where can you start? Start by thinking of a memory from childhood, anything that made you proud of your self. Don't bring in anyone else - just you. What was that thing you did that make your heart soar? Did you beat a level in a video game, or perhaps it was getting over stage fright at a school production. Whatever it was, get back into that headspace and carry that feeling around with you.
4. Sometimes Memories Surface
I haven't met one person who doesn't have some unpleasant memories. Challenging times are a part of life, and trying to suppress them is futile. When we work through the pain and learn to accept the past we're able to close the door gently on those "rooms" in our mind. We can choose to visit those rooms if and when we feel inclined. But we can also gently close them off, so that we can grow and heal.
Your memories are part of you, so carry them with grace.
5. Attitude Can Be Chosen
Choosing your attitude is easier said than done. I never used to believe it was possible. But it is. The key is to change your inner dialogue with your self and this does take work (see point #2). Whenever you find yourself thinking that you can't do something, it's important to stop and force yourself to think about what you can do. Try thinking, "If someone could solve this, how would they do it?" Distancing yourself from the problem in this way opens up new ideas, and pretty soon you'll be capable of everything you see for your self.
Try this: Imagine opening a beautifully wrapped gift of happiness. As you open it, the happiness flows upward and around your entire body making you feel warm and joyful and at peace. Imagine giving that gift to those you love. Watching them relax into gentle contentment.
You know what? Happiness really is a gift you can give yourself.
And the truly great thing about this gift is that in making yourself happy, you make those around you happy too.